It is with big happiness that I receive the announcement by my doctor of my third pregnancy. Indeed, my children brought me love which missed me so much. Furthermore, since a few years, the hospitable stays of my husband became longer and longer and more and more frequent. He was even absent during the largest part of my stay in the maternity as well as in my exit. Not to be forced to participate in the care of nursing he had suggested to my parents staying at our home several months. Six months later, as my mother monopolized more and more my baby, I had to make big efforts to ask them to leave. My husband didn't get involved more for all that !
In the absence of paternal presence (1), my youngest son showed himself rebellious from his early childhood. Under two years old, he already returned to his father the small pats which this one sometimes put him on the diaper when he was too much dissipated !
When he grew up, he became more and more capricious. From the primary school, he began to show problems of behavior (2), not having wanted to acquire the competence not to resort to the violence in his relations with his schoolmates. (3)
Besides, he didn't respect the rules of life in class.
I quickly met of great difficulties to succeed in making him do his homework. He always found a pretext to scatter and not do his school work. Therefore, his results quickly felt the effects of it. (4)
Become adolescent, he has never managed to acquire the elementary notions of respect, politeness, order and hygiene, in spite of the learnings and of numerous reminders. He refused to participate in household chores, in shopping, and didn't even clean what he had made dirty. (5) My middle child, who was the kindest and the most voluntary of my three sons, was the only one to help me at home.
To the college, he persisted in showing bad will on the pretext of intestinal problems not to go to school, and began playing hooky without my knowledge from the age of 12 years ! (6) It's in this period, from the 2nd year of high school when an educational day service was set up to bring me an educational support. Unfortunately, at the end of the 3rd year of high school (7), as I succeeded no more in making him go to class, social services transformed his educational monitoring into placement at the age of 15. (8)
It was a heartbreak for me, but the situation was such as I couldn't do otherwise than accept this placement.
A few months later, when I left my home to escape the harassments and the pressures of my elder son, my youngest son ran away of the establishment in which he was placed and was accommodated by my middle child who was settling down in a small apartment with his friend. There was there five months a time when the social worker who took care of his monitoring finds him a new reception structure in the city where I had moved.
I welcomed him during the weekends and half of the school holidays. Several months after his 18th birthday, I was forced to punish him on his pocket money because he continued to smoke in his bedroom in spite of my ban. As he persisted in denying the obvious facts (smells of tobacco in the apartment, the ashtrays full of cigarette ends hidden under his night table, ash in the toilet bowl) (9) my companion supported me verbally. This is when my son threatened him by showing him the fist. Two days later, he showed himself still obnoxious with my companion. I was thus forced to inform him that I cannot receive him during the next holidays which began the following weekend. (10)
Having been accommodated by a friend, he took refuge at my middle son who had just moved into a new apartment having lived five months at my home because he had sunk into schizophrenic disorders and had separated from his companion. A few days later my youngest son ran away of the reception structure and settled down definitively at his brother's. He completely was taken care (11) by the latter and let himself live (12) during almost two years. In this period, he got acquainted with two students who sold and consumed of the cannabis. These two young people came regularly to my middle son. They arrived with their portable computer, settled down during several hours, often till late night hours ; they so invaded his personal space.
My youngest son and his two friends put easily under influence my younger son weakened by his schizophrenic pathology. He had practically no more intimacy. When he returned of the day hospital, there was often somebody at his home with his young brother. The latter often prevented him from going there by becoming aggressive or by making some emotional blackmail ; with one of his friends, he began even controling his e-mail and his mobile phone (13). One of the two students supported by my youngest son, went as far as preventing him from taking his evening medicine (14) so that he doesn't fall asleep too early and so that he can so participate to parties they organized spontaneously at his home (15). The mental state (16) of my middle son in deficit of sleep (17) quickly degraded. When I noticed it (18), I made a request of putting under curatorship so that my youngest son, who wanted to make nothing, is accompanied in a project of autonomy.
On the other hand, in this period, I knew nothing verbal ill-treatments (mockeries, insults...) and psychological (denigration, devaluation...) which my middle son underwent on behalf of "certain friends", because being completely under influence, he wasn't aware of it. I noticed this situation by chance during a visit at his home. This day, in my presence, one of the students addressed my middle son by using a very aggressive tone without any reason. Instead of supporting his brother, my youngest son ardently sided with the aggressor (19) ! My middle son looked down and kept silent. (20) I couldn't accept that he is so treated, I took then verbally his defense. This scene surprised me a lot, because if I knew that my youngest son had a difficult behavior (21), I was far from imagining myself that my middle son was mistreated by third parties. Afterward, he revealed me other episodes of the verbal and psychological ill-treatments which he already underwent for numerous months. So that he is to protect, my companion and I made the decision to inform police services about it as well as his medical team.
When my youngest son had knowledge of the demarches which I had made (22), he showed himself very aggressive verbally towards me on the occasion of our phone conversations and every time I went to visit to my middle son. He treated me regularly a crazy woman and tried even to shut me up (23). I learnt afterward that he didn't want more that his brother spoke to me. He thus continued to behave as tyrannical and imperious brother !
A short time later, my last son and the young person who had attacked orally my middle son without being concerned with my presence were summoned to the police station. Yet, it turns out that this student was already known by the policemen. After his summons, he went directly to the home of my middle son and threatened him to make him run over by an automobile when he would go to the day hospital. Then, he phoned to my elder son to inform him about facts and ask him to come immediately to intervene with his brother as "head of the family". As soon as he arrived, the latter took violently his younger brother by the collar and brought him with the youngest to the police station so that they deny or minimize the situations which my companion and myself had told.
A few days later, I received a letter of Public prosecutor informing me that the file was closed for "facts not in evidence" ! (24)
My two sons put the pressure (25) to my middle son frightened by the threats whom he had received, so that he comes to settle down in the city where lived the elder brother. He thus urged him to look for a housing on the Internet and accompanied him during the visit. In front of such a pressure, my middle son did not succeed in saying no categorically. He was only able to declare that he didn't want to go away from the day hospital and that his trustee wouldn't agree so that a moving is made. His brothers didn't take into account it and began to take some personal belongings. Three days later, having dropped him to the day hospital, they emptied completely his apartment (26). At the prospect not being able to frequent any more his structure of care which represented for him a "veritable haven of peace", my middle son, after having scarified a few days before, made a big crisis (27) and was transported by a nurse in the psychiatric emergencies. After several weeks of hospitalization, he was directed to a specialized private hospital where one year was necessary so that his mental health improves.
His youngest brother was accommodated by his elder brother for a few months during which he enrolled an interim agency as well as in the Local Mission, what allowed him to work a little and to begin to make work placements. This is the way he was afterward able to integrate a young workers residence. Unfortunately, he broke the internal rules of the establishment by smoking of the cannabis within premises and was reprimanded by the educators that he insulted. After having met, they decided to send back him.
I received no more news from him for 7 months, not even a SMS for the Mother's Day (28)! At the end of this period, while he was temporarily accommodated at one of his knowledge, he contacted me only to know if he could come to live at my home. To my great regret, I couldn't answer favorably his demand, because of the obnoxious behavior which he had showed when he lived in my home. (29)
After 6 months of silence, he contacted me by vocal message to announce me that it was very bothered because he had just blocked the SIM card of his mobile phone, and asking me to take care of it quickly, because I was a holder of the telephone line. I resolved this problem by contacting the customer service but received no thanking (30) from him !
Following the example of his older brother, he rarely contacts me and only to announce me bad news or when he needs me.
His bad behavior gets me an immense sorrow, and the fact of not being able to accommodate him anymore was for me a veritable heartbreak, but to protect me and preserve my couple, I didn't have, regrettably, not other choice. At the moment, I know, to have widely documented on this deviant kind of behaviour, that the situation has unfortunately not much chance to evolve positively. All these events considerably deteriorated my psychic health (31) already sorely tested, from now on punctuated with depressive episodes, with anxiety attacks and with important sleeping disorders. The tyrannical behavior is inevitably destructive !!
(1) "Sons who haven't received adequate « fathering » often face the following problems : in adolescence (...) They may (...) have learning problems. They often have difficulties to assume moral values, take on responsibilities, and develop a sense of duty and obligations to others. The absence of limits will manifest itself just as well in the difficulty of exercising authority than having to respect it." translated from french : "Les fils qui n'ont pas reçu de « paternage » adéquat font souvent face aux problèmes suivants : à l'adolescence (...) Ils peuvent (...) avoir des problèmes d'apprentissage. Ils éprouvent souvent des difficultés à assumer des valeurs morales, à prendre des responsabilités et à développer un sens du devoir et de leurs obligations envers autrui. L'absence de limites se manifestera tout aussi bien dans la difficulté d'exercer une autorité que d'avoir à la respecter." (Cf. père manquant fils manqué [father missing missed son], Guy Corneau, p. 25, Éditions de l'Homme, 1989)
"(...) the more the lack of the "absence" of the father, the more they are compensated by an unconscious idealization." translated from french :"(...) plus les manques se font sentir de « l'absence » du père, plus ils sont compensés par une idéalisation inconsciente." (Ibid.)
(2) General appreciation of his primary school teacher of the 4th year of primary school : « Very insufficient Results. Jo. doesn't study and doesn't make his work. Problem of behavior. »
(3) His father who had chosen to be frequently absent throughout his childhood did not give him the education which he would have needed to learn to live in society, and did not initiate him to give up wanting to satisfy immediately all his desires to be capable of supporting the frustration. Without paternal education (a), my son thus remained in the infantile omnipotence.
(a) "A lack of limits makes impulsive, furious and unthinking." translated from french : "Un manque de cadrage rend pulsionnel, rageur et irréfléchi." (Cf. Enfants de manipulateurs. Comment les protéger ? [Children of manipulators. How to protect them ?], Christel Petitcollin, p. 118, Éditions Guy Trédaniel, Paris, 2017)
(4) In the 5th year of primary school, he didn't always know how to spell the usual words.
General appreciation of his primary school teacher : « Jo. doesn't make the requested work and doesn't study enough. No written expression was produced (tale, dialogue, write a text according to a model). »
(5) "If nobody passes behind a manipulator to tidy up and clean, his interior is fast transformed into dump." translated from french : "Si personne ne passe derrière un manipulateur pour ranger et nettoyer, son intérieur se transforme vite en taudis." (Ibid p. 38)
(6) He received two warnings for the work. General appreciation of the homeroom teacher : « by exempting of constraints of the school work, Jo. made impossible any situation of success. His lack of attendance harms seriously in his results (1/20 in reading and 3/20 in english). He wastes deliberately his possibilities by a too often negative attitude. »
In musical education, « Jo. is consistently late, doesn't have his school materials and doesn't work. He consistently shows unwillingness and shows himself unpleasant. »
In physical and sports education, « Jo. still has no exemplary behavior towards his schoolmates and myself. »
(7) He received a warning for the work every quarter ! General appreciation of the homeroom teacher : « Some efforts made in the 2nd quarter weren't pursued and the results (4/20 in math and 6/20 in french) are again catastrophic due to the lack of work and of attendance. »
(8) With 12 half-days of unjustified absences in 1st and 2nd quarters, he received two warnings for the work and a warning for the behavior. General appreciation of homeroom teacher : « Catastrophic results (0,5/20 in french, 5/20 in math and in history/geography) ! Jo. makes nothing more. »
(9) He was always skillful to lie ; already in 16 years, while he had just left the college and to run away of his reception structure, he persuaded his family circle that he had found a apprenticeship and, at the age of 20, he wanted to give the illusion to look for an employment ! Often inclined to criticize while he didn't support the slightest remark, he didn't want to change his behavior. As all the manipulators, he also had preconceived ideas on all the subjects.
(10) He is inconceivable for a mother who really loves her son to realize that he lacks affect, that he became a calculating person, profiteer and not a poor victim. What a disappointment after going to all this trouble for nothing for several years to become aware that her son had no intention to change. He is much more comforting to consider him always as a victim than to admit that he's a malicious and violent adult. To justify the deviance of my son allowed me to make his actions less unacceptable.
(11) He took his brother for a stooge, for a "maid of all work" and thought only of exploiting him ! He refused categorically to participate in household chores and in shopping. He even went as far as asking him to turn the sugar in his coffee. "The manipulators are only using love that other gives them to be taken care in all the domains. The kindness, the empathy, the compassion are a one-way street." translated from french : "Les manipulateurs ne font qu'utiliser l'amour que l'autre leur porte pour se faire prendre en charge dans tous les domaines. La gentillesse, l'empathie, la compassion fonctionnent à sens unique." (Ibidem p. 32)
The manipulators have infantile reactions. They are "exclusive, possessive and jealous, clinging to your coat-tails and making all that they can so that you took care only of them and anybody else, all the time and everywhere. They never went out of the illusion of the infantile omnipotence. (...) It explains their ceaseless lies, their unwavering denial of the reality, thus their hallucinating bad faith. (...) This infantile omnipotence was consolidated and fed in them since the childhood by the permissiveness of their perverse parent (...)" (Ibidem p. 22 ; 29-30)
https://la-veritable-lumiere.over-blog.com/2017/12/the-perversity-of-my-husband.html
The manipulators take pleasure to create confusion in the minds. They use others without the slightest scruple and, as they are often extremely lazy, they like be taken care totally. They always succeed in finding somebody to make all their chores.
"The object ? It won't be loved. It will be used. Nailed to the ground by the tasks that are imposed to him, extorted, exploited, disqualified, he will have nothing more enviable, once it's − believe the pervert − emptied, surpassed and reduced to usefulness." translated from french : "L'objet ? Il ne sera pas aimé. Il sera employé. Cloué au sol par les tâches qui lui sont assénées, soutirées, exploité, disqualifié, il n'aura plus rien d'enviable, dès lors qu'il aura été − croit le pervers − vidé, surpassé et réduit à l'utilité." (Cf. Les perversions narcissiques [Narcissistic perversions], Paul-Claude Racamier, p. 19, Payot, Paris, 2012)
"There is still a way for these (manipulative) people to position themselves relative to the money : make you pay !" translated from french : "Il y a pour ces personnes (manipulatrices) encore un moyen de se positionner par rapport à l'argent : vous faire payer !" (Cf. Les parents manipulateurs [The manipulator parents], Isabelle Nazare-Aga, p. 64, Éditions de l'Homme, 2014)
"Financial and material avidity is no longer contained by morality or ethics." translated from french : "L'avidité financière et matérielle n'est plus contenue ni par la morale ni par l'éthique." (Cf. Les parents manipulateurs [The manipulator parents], Isabelle Nazare-Aga, p. 65, Éditions de l'Homme, 2014)
(12) "(...) these subjects impose a veritable burden on the people who approach them and care for them. And this is precisely in that their narcissism relates to perversion." translated from french : "(...) ces sujets imposent un véritable fardeau aux personnes qui les approchent et se soucient d'eux. Et c'est précisément en cela que leur narcissisme touche à la perversion." (Cf. Les perversions narcissiques [Narcissistic perversions], Paul-Claude Racamier, p. 78, Payot, Paris, 2012)
(13) "In his madness of omnipotence, the manipulator admits no grey area, no secret garden : he must know everything, all the time, including the slightest of your thoughts. (...) Little by little, the victims have no more physical or moral intimacy (...)" translated from french : "Dans sa folie de toute-puissance, le manipulateur n'admet aucune zone d'ombre, aucun jardin secret : il doit tout savoir, tout le temps, y compris la moindre de vos pensées. (...) Peu à peu, les victimes n'ont plus aucune intimité physique ou morale (...)" (Cf. Enfants de manipulateurs. Comment les protéger ? [Children of manipulators. How to protect them ?], Christel Petitcollin, p. 76, Éditions Guy Trédaniel, Paris, 2017)
"During this time (that of perverse hatred), the perverse grip is particularly acerbic and the control of the object almost total, the narcissistic enjoyment resulting from the exercise of enslavement (...) verging sometimes megalomania. (...) The object is therefore more than ever subjugated during this time (...) more than ever denied, attacked and intoxicated (...)" translated from french : "Durant ce temps (celui de la haine perverse), l'emprise perverse est particulièrement acerbe et le contrôle de l'objet quasi total, la jouissance narcissique issue de l'exercice d'asservissement (...) frôlant parfois la mégalomanie. (...) L'objet est donc durant ce temps plus que jamais assujetti (...) plus que jamais nié, attaqué et intoxiqué (...)" (Cf. Chantal Wagner, Relation d'objet dans la perversion narcissique. [Object relationship in narcissistic perversion] Se soutenir : déconstruire l'autre, dans L'information psychiatrique 2012/1, p. 21-28, John Libbey Eurotext)
(14) Jo. and A. yelled at him because when he takes it, he cannot watch, because this medicine knocks out him too much.
(15) Jo. and his friend A. made both the party the weekend and sometimes in the week by listening to some loud music until the early hours ; Jo. shouted ! It had for consequence to cause problems of neighborhood to F. and the owner of the housing refused to renew him the lease ; A. threatened him "to smash the face" if he had troubles (with the police) for the problems of noise.
(16) The disease of F. kept evolving in a negative way. He expressed me new symptoms. Indeed, during several hours, it happened to him no longer understand the sense of the words which were made to him : « I don't find anymore the sense of the words, I have difficulty understanding my own thoughts, and I have the impression that there's a filter (deforming) between me and the others » he told me.
(17) Having again sunk into a depressive state, I wrote to my middle son : « this situation can't go on, because the very bad behavior of Jo. prevents us from living ! I lost five kg in one month and my psychological follow-up became intensified. This sequence of vexatious situations, of which J. and Jo. are the cause, have me profoundly and durably disturbed. »
(18) My youngest son, in big selfish man, didn't care to know if his brother didn't sleep enough whereas he slept whole mornings.
(19) It's very unfortunate that he preferred the joints of his friend drug dealer A. to his own brother who accommodated him and fed him !
(20) "(..) The people victims of low self-esteem constitute ideal preys for the aggressors who have, they, a very clear vision of what they want and what they do not want. With their negative image of themselves, they offer to other one the sticks to be beaten." translated from french : "(..) les personnes victimes d'une faible estime de soi constituent des proies idéales pour les agresseurs qui ont, eux, une vision très nette de ce qu'ils veulent et ce dont ils ne veulent pas. Avec leur image négative d'elles-mêmes, elles offrent à l'autre des bâtons pour se faire battre." (Cf. Petites violences ordinaires. La violence psychologique en famille [Small ordinary violence. The psychological violence in family], Yvane Wiart, p. 59, Éd. Le Courrier du Livre, Paris, 2011)
(21) On this matter, my middle son wrote me : « Jo. always breaks me with his ceaseless judgments and sometimes insults me, but I endure. He calls me dumb ; he doesn't care what I say and belittle me. »
"The family, it, is accustomed « to the difficult temper » of the manipulator and resigned to undergo his whims, his greed, his egoism and his mood swings." translated from french : "La famille, elle, est habituée « au caractère difficile » du manipulateur et s'est résignée à subir ses caprices, sa cupidité, son égoïsme et ses sautes d'humeur." (Cf. Enfants de manipulateurs. Comment les protéger ? [Cf. Children of manipulators. How to protect them ?], Christel Petitcollin, p. 25, Éditions Guy Trédaniel, Paris, 2017)
(22) « I inform you that the facts of ill-treatment increase. Indeed, on Tuesday evening, Jo. showed himself threatening physically towards F., by squeezing him strongly jaws with his hand while screaming "so that you understand ...". Besides, Jo. forbids from now on F. to go to the Day hospital and to the Ranch ; thus F. was not able to see his psychologist, like that was planned, and thus was not able to make no activity last week. F. confided in me that Jo. had said him "I shall watch you more now !". Jo. limits from now on the sentimental conversations of F. on Skype, by cutting him the line. »
(23) Following a telephone communication where he was particularly aggressive, I sent him the following SMS : Jo., I hope that it's the last time which you try to shut me up, and that you hang up on me as you made it last Tuesday, because I underwent enough this kind of behaviour with your father. I shall not any more agree to speak to you as long as you will scream at me. You have the right to disagree with me, but not to behave as a madman with insulting and disparaging words , nor to try to shut me up. We shall see again each other only when you will have calmed down, because I'm your mother and I don't have to undergo your obnoxious behavior.
https://la-veritable-lumiere.over-blog.com/2017/12/the-perversity-of-my-husband.html
(24) Most of the professionals of the judicial system, the services of police and gendarmerie, social services and health (psychologists, psychiatrists...) don't know the functioning of the narcissistic perverts and thus ignore their dangerousness.
https://la-veritable-lumiere.over-blog.com/2018/10/learn-to-recognize-a-manipulative-person-4.html
"The manipulators know how to appropriate the indulgence, even the approval of the policemen and the gendarmes, the investigators, the mediators, the experts and even the judges." translated from french : "Les manipulateurs savent s'approprier l'indulgence, voire la bénédiction des policiers et des gendarmes, des enquêteurs, des médiateurs, des experts et même des juges." (Ibidem p. 32)
"The more he passes between the meshes of the social and legal net, the more he becomes drunk on his power and the more he becomes a deviant." translated from french : "Plus il passe entre les mailles du filet social et juridique, plus il s'enivre de son pouvoir et plus il devient déviant." (Ibidem p. 19)
(25) It was predictable that his brothers drug addicts would reproduce the behavior that they have had with me. Moreover, they never missed an opportunity to make him feel guilty.
https://la-veritable-lumiere.over-blog.com/2017/12/my-elder-son-successor-of-manipulators.html
(26) They took advantage of this situation to steal him money and things and tried to swindle him by using his bank card.
(27) F. said that he couldn't take it anymore : « it's that I felt I was going to become crazy and to make a bullshit ».
(28) Howerver, it also happens frequently that a parent in this profile no longer gives you a sign of life ! In other words, it's the manipulator who totally avoids you ! (...) you don't interest him ! His ego being no more nourished enough by your care, so he (she) quite simply doesn’t think about checking in on you !" translated from french : "Or, il arrive aussi fréquemment qu’un parent de ce profil ne vous donne plus signe de vie ! Autrement dit, c’est le manipulateur qui vous évite totalement ! (...) vous ne l’intéressez pas ! Son ego n’étant plus suffisamment nourri par vos soins, il (elle) ne pense tout simplement pas à prendre de vos nouvelles !" (Cf. Les parents manipulateurs [The manipulator parents], Isabelle Nazare-Aga, p. 104, Éditions de l'Homme, 2014)
(29) Following a telephone communication, I sent him the following SMS : « Jo., because of the bad behavior which you have had at my home, I cannot accommodate you unfortunately any more. Moreover, you mustn't forget that F. got sick again while he was already affected by a grave disease, because of your tyrannical behavior that you had towards him, you and your acquaintances disreputable whom came to his home. Don't forget either that F. scarified (with a knife) before being hospitalized, because he couldn't take it any more undergo your psychological and verbal ill-treatments. Aren't you ashamed to have so badly behaved ? You would have been able to integrate another young workers residence, if you had had a better behavior, than you respect rules and than you don't insult the educators. You thus have to assume the consequences of your bad behavior. At the age of 22, you would have to become aware finally that it's necessary to behave badly, otherwise you will be still fired of everywhere. I hope that you will think so that you have in the future a more responsible attitude !"
(30) "Narcissistic perverts aren't people to apologize or to thank. (...) All is due to them ; neither remorse nor thank you don't concern them. (...) excuse and remorse would go against an infallibility that must remain unassailable ; then better to deny all personal fault, and to blame others ; (...) Gratitude (a) would demonstrate a dependence which is unbearable to them, and a personal insufficiency that would be an insult to their grandiose Self (...) translated from french : "Les narcissiques pervers ne sont pas des gens à s'excuser, ni à remercier. (...) tout leur est dû ; ni le remords, ni le merci ne les regardent. (...) excuse et remords iraient à l'encontre d'une infaillibilité qui doit rester inattaquable ; mieux vaut alors dénier toute faute personnelle, et blâmer autrui ; (...) la gratitude (a) témoignerait d'une dépendance qui leur est insupportable, et d'une insuffisance personnelle qui serait comme une insulte à leur soi grandiose (...)" (Cf. Les perversions narcissiques [Narcissistic perversions], Paul-Claude Racamier, p. 76-77, Payot, Paris, 2012)
(a) expressed by the thanks
(31) My methods of safeguarding to protect my psyche (annex 5 to the article "Survive family hell")
Quotes :
"Only a tyrant aspires to the abolition of all the prohibitions for himself, on the condition of maintaining the other individuals in the total subjection in his own arbitrary will." translated from french : (Cf. Clotilde Leguil, Présentation, L'avenir d'une illusion [The future of an illusion], Sigmund Freud, p. 25, Éditions Points, Paris, 2011)
"The aggressiveness consists in attacking another person, or in what is important for her (parents, friends, animals, realisations, things). It can show itself in a physical or psychic way (...) The psychic aggressiveness, or still named psychic violence, is less known. We can also name it verbal abuse or verbal aggression, because it shows itself most of the time by the language. Moreover, it's important to pay attention to what accompanies the words : the gestural expressions, the intonation..." translated from french : "L'agressivité consiste à s'en prendre à la personne de l'autre, ou à ce qui est important pour lui (parents, amis, animaux, réalisations, objets). Elle peut se manifester de manière physique ou psychique (..) l'agressivité psychique, ou encore appelée violence psychique, est moins connue. On peut aussi l'appeler violence verbale ou agression verbale, car elle se manifeste le plus souvent par le langage. Il est par ailleurs important de faire attention à ce qui accompagne les propos : les expressions gestuelles, l'intonation..." (Cf. Petites violences ordinaires. La violence psychologique en famille [Small ordinary violence. The psychological violence in family], Yvane Wiart, p. 15, Éd. Le Courrier du Livre, Paris, 2011)
"(...) A veritable aggressor doesn't feel guilty. On the other hand, he's completely ready to claim to be victim, because anyway what happens cannot be of his fault, thus necessarily it's of the fault of other one. translated from french : "(...) un véritable agresseur ne se sent pas coupable. Par contre, il est tout à fait prêt à se dire victime, puisque de toute façon ce qui se passe ne peut être de sa faute, donc forcément c'est de la faute de l'autre." (Ibidem p. 38)
"Men and women with narcissistic personality need, they believe, always to be right, to decide, even against the advice of the majority, to be served as monarchs of ancient times and to feel that they have the privilege not to obey the rules imposed by society, institutions, diverse and varied organizations. In other words, they spend their lives verifying that their will is fulfilled by others. The egocentric side of this aspect can easily be seen by the fact that they don't take into account the risk-taking that the other has to assume, or simply the reorganization that this requires !" translated from french : "Les hommes et les femmes à la personnalité narcissique ont besoin, croient-ils, d'avoir toujours raison, de décider, même contre l'avis de la majorité, d'être servis comme des monarques des temps anciens et de sentir qu'ils ont le privilège de ne pas obéir aux règles imposées par la société, les institutions, les organismes divers et variés. Autrement dit, ils passent leur existence à vérifier que leurs volontés soient exaucées par autrui. Le versant égocentrique de cet aspect se constate facilement au fait qu'ils ne tiennent aucunement compte des prises de risque que l'autre doit alors assumer, ou tout simplement à la réorganisation que cela lui demande !" (Cf. Les parents manipulateurs [The manipulator parents], Isabelle Nazare-Aga, p. 104, Éditions de l'Homme, 2014)
Article written by Cristina Casado Belmonté
Article "Survive family hell" :
The perversity of my father (Annex 1) :
The demancia of my mother (Annex 2)
https://la-veritable-lumiere.over-blog.com/2017/12/the-demencia-of-my-mother.html
The perversity of my husband (Annex 3) :
https://la-veritable-lumiere.over-blog.com/2017/12/the-perversity-of-my-husband.html
My elder son : successor of manipulators (annex 4) :
https://la-veritable-lumiere.over-blog.com/2017/12/my-elder-son-successor-of-manipulators.html
My methods of safeguarding to protect my psyche (annex 6) :
To free itself from the influence of the manipulators (annex 7) :
Learn to recognize a manipulative person (annex 8) :
https://la-veritable-lumiere.over-blog.com/2018/10/learn-to-recognize-a-manipulative-person-4.html
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